Change your attitude; change your world
Mark Lang

I can’t speak for you, but I for one need to learn to be a little more patience. That’s just one of many attitude adjustments I am in the process of making.

My impatience was illustrated quite clearly this past spring when I was in my garden anxiously waiting for one of my flowers to bloom. It already had a bud on it that was just on the verge of opening. I waited until the next day, and still, the bud had not fully opened. It was only half open. So, what was the delay?

Oh, I suppose I could have let it go another day, but I just couldn’t wait. After all, I had already waited the entire winter to see my flowers bloom. How can I be expected to sit by while Mother Nature took her sweet time? (You can probably guess where this is going—wait for it.) Yep, I tried to force the flower petals to open.

As a warm breeze blew over the garden, I ever so gently stuck my intrusive fingers into the bud and slowly peeled back some of the outside petals. Yes, many of them tore. I could see that the petals were folded in around each other like a bunch of wet socks all twisted together at the bottom of the washing machine.

The flower was obviously not ready to open, but my impatience would not allow me to delay my gratification one second longer. As a result of my impulsiveness, I had a shredded flower hanging from the stem looking like it had gone through a hurricane. That’s when I realized I needed to change my impatient attitude.

So, what lesson did I glean from this experience? Well, many things actually—not the least of which is to be more accepting of the natural order of things. (By the way, this attitudinal adjustment applies to my interactions with humans as well.) There have been numerous examples in my past where I have grown impatient and intolerant with people who did not change to meet my expectations fast enough.

Perhaps there is a lesson we can all learn from this. Generally speaking, we need to accept people the way they are without trying to change them. The exception, of course, is if someone’s behavior is violent, verbally abusive, or otherwise criminal. In brief, we need to practice more compassion and less criticism.

Accepting people without trying to change them was particularly challenging for me having worked for many years in the role of a counselor. People would come to see me seeking advice. That was why they scheduled the appointment in the first place. How could I not try to change them? Well, I eventually learned that they needed to change themselves. I could only be a guide on the side.

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As you might imagine, it is more than just a little ironic that I am now writing about how to help you improve yourself while at the same time embracing the belief that I should accept you the way you are. The very act of my advising you to stop trying to change others means I’m trying to change you. (Oh, head-rush.)

Allow me to clarify. (Well, it’s not so much clarification as it is a justification.) With my new attitude, I am simply putting positive messages out there for anyone who wants them. Then I let go of any emotional attachments to the outcome. If people accept my messages, that’s fine. If they don’t, that’s fine, too. That way, there is no emotional investment on my part in the act of changing people. Instead, I am just serving a buffet of friendly suggestions for anyone who wishes to dine.

So, at this point, you have a choice: you can either eat the real food by putting these suggestions into practice or just read the menu items and wish you could have a taste.

Not only is it important to be patient with other people, but it is also important to be patient with yourself. These new attitudes and perspectives take time to develop into longstanding cognitive patterns. After all, a river needs time to carve a gorge. Likewise, your new thoughts need time to develop deeply entrenched neuropathways in your brain.

Something to meditate on today. If you choose (no presser), you can make some changes in your life. Take an honest look at your attitude. Does it need some fine tuning? Are you as patient as you would like to be? Are you able to accept people for who they are provided they do not cause harm?

Now is the time to take an inventory of your perspective of the world. It’s a type of soul searching if you will. What thoughts, beliefs, outlooks, mindsets, and opinions do you want to keep, and which do you want to eliminate? It’s your choice. No one is trying to change you against your will. This inner work comes from you, not from others imposing their will on you.

If you indeed have a few characteristics that you would like to change, write them down. It helps to make a written list to look at from time to time. Seeing this list will remind you of your new goals, so place the list in a location where you will see it often.

I have found that changing my attitude changed my worldview. I am more patient and have fewer expectations of others. I feel more at peace with myself now. I wish the same for you.

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