TAKE A LESSON FROM THE FEISTY ROBINS
Mark Lagenfeld

 

A while back, I was counseling a graduate student who was deeply troubled with her level of involvement with her family of origin. As a child she was repeatedly abused by her father. Now as an adult in her mid-thirties, she was torn between either detaching herself from him or seeing him during family gatherings.

 

On one hand, if she refused to see him, she would miss out on most of the family time—especially during holidays. On the other hand, she did not want to face her father because the memories of the childhood abuse were still fresh in her mind. Every time she saw him, she felt like a vulnerable child again, scared and needing protection.

 

As I was listening to her share her very personal story, a visual memory crossed my mind from a few years ago. I recalled standing in my front yard on a beautify summer day. I could see a robin’s nest in the swaying branches of a weeping willow tree. I could see both parents flying back and forth bringing worms and grubs to the hungry baby birds.

 

Suddenly, there was a loud, sharp screech coming from the edge of the woods. Turning my head, I saw a blue jay flying rapidly towards the robin’s nest. With a flurry of flapping wings and fierce cries, the robins intercepted the threatening blue jay before it could harm the baby birds. With feathers flying and talons scratching, the robins drove the blue jay back into the woods and away from the nest. Then, the robins returned to the nest to make sure their babies were unharmed.

 

I shared this story with the woman I was counseling. When I was done, I let her know that it was not my place to tell her what lesson she should draw from that story. That was up to her. She pondered for a minute thinking about what the story meant to her. With a creased brow, replied, “I’m not sure.”

 

Without being to directive, I asked her some question that would hopefully lead to self-discovery for her. “Which of those creatures do you most closely identify with, if any?”

 

“The mother robin,” she said.

 

I asked her to share with me her reasons for feeling a connection with the mother robin. She indicated that she felt the need to protect the vulnerable babies. She saw herself as a strong defender, not fearful and weak. It was this inner strength that I wanted to tap into and bring into the light.

 

“So, who do the baby birds represent?” I asked.

 

After some thought, she realized that those fragile, little birds represented a part of herself—the scared and hurt child within her. It was her vulnerable side that she was actually wanting to protect. She had said earlier that when she was around her dad she felt as though she were a small, weak child again. That’s the part of her that she wanted to guard by not seeing her father.

 

“Ok.” I added. “Now who is the nasty blue jay?” (You’ve probably already guessed this one.)

 

“My father!” She blurted out with emphasis. “Definitely, my father. He has always been an imposing man. Threatening, I mean. Even in the way he would stand in front of me and just glare at me until I felt only two inches tall. It really amazed me how he had such power over me. The power to take away my confidence in a second.”

 

This was the point where I wanted her to tie all the loose ends together. “One last question.” I asked. “So, if the robins represent the part of you that is a defender, and the baby birds represent the part of you that is vulnerable and needs protection, and the blue jay represents your abusive father, then what lesson have you learned from the feisty robins?”

She stared at me for what seemed like an eternity. (In reality, it was probably only one minute.) Then, with an expression on her face that looked like she had just finished putting together a jigsaw puzzle, she explained, “Well, I guess I need to chase away the blue jay and keep him away from my vulnerable side. And, I need to protect my inner child from getting hurt. Which means, I also have to be the protector—my own protector. I’m going to have as little to do with him as possible.”

 

Today’s Loving Suggestion: Now you or I may have taken different action than she did. However, the common lesson here for all of us is to stand up for ourselves and establish healthy, personal boundaries that protect our self-respect. Sit in quiet meditation, and reflect upon the areas of your life that need healthier boundaries. Then, take positive action.