What if you don’t think of yourself as self?
Mark Lang

How many times have you looked at a photo of yourself and thought, “Ugh!?” What exactly do you see that you don’t like? Perhaps examining your self-image would be more productive than your outer image. How you perceive yourself is very important because it helps define your sense of self.

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However, what if you did not see yourself as only yourself? What if, instead, you chose to think of yourself as a part of the greater whole? When a raindrop falls into a pool, does the raindrop remain separate, or does it become one with the pool? When you think of yourself as a member of the global family, the whole world is yours. With that perspective, there is no need to get upset or defensive when things don’t go your way.

Say you work in a restaurant. You and the other workers labor diligently for long hours to make sure the customers are content. But somehow it’s the regional manager who gets much of the praise and rewards. If you let go of the ego-driven need to take individual credit for the work and think of the labor as a team effort instead, you will be far less likely to feel upset.

Likewise, at the office, you can learn to let go of being emotionally married to your ideas or projects. (Some office workers refer to a project as their “baby.” Really? Now that’s getting pretty emotionally attached!) When you start viewing yourself as part of humanity, you can let go of ego defensiveness. Then, even when criticized by a coworker, you can think of the work as a group effort, and that can take the sting out of the criticism. In that light, you don’t need to take things personally because comments about you are comments about all humans in general.

At home, you can teach your children to take pride in group accomplishments rather than seeking attention through individual deeds. And if your kids are in sports, you can teach them ego control by helping them to understand that they do not need to be the star in the spotlight constantly.

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The glory seekers are the ones who tend to crash and burn. Children and adults, alike, can discover that when you have integrity, there is no need to worry about your image and reputation. Then your teenagers don’t need to stay up at night fretting over what their peers might be saying about them because character stands for itself.

Once you have reached the point where you can see yourself as part of humankind rather than king-of-the-hill, a sense of interconnectedness and peacefulness will come over you. In social situations, you can speak up more freely without the worry of disapproval, and you also do not have to be so concerned with choosing just the right word to say.

And when people do insult you, (and they will) you can feel sorry for them instead of taking it to heart. Think of it this way: the people doing the criticizing must be pretty unhappy if they need to say such mean things, right? (Tell me; when people are insulting you, are you able to see the unhappiness in their eyes? I bet you can if you look for it.) So have compassion for them; they are emotionally suffering. That’s an enlightened way of looking at it.

For my part, whenever I submit my work for publication, I need to let go of my ego first and graciously accept constructive feedback from the editorial staff (and sometimes the readers, too). I remove my ego from the equation by meditating before I begin writing. Typically, I will sit in a comfortable position with my head bowed and my hands on my knees. After a time of quiet stillness, I will focus my mind on the wisdom of the ancestors—all the ancestors from the entire human race, yours, and mind. Then I slowly place my hands on the keyboard and start typing.

Some refer to this process as tapping into “cellular wisdom.” Others call it “channeling energy.” While still others simply refer to it as “prayer.” For myself, I do not feel the need to put a label on it. I just let the positive energy flow through me into my writing. When complimented on my work, I tell people I cannot take credit for the “spirit” of my writing because I am simply utilizing the wisdom of our shared universal ancestors. In that way, I do not need to satisfy my pride since ego is not involved.

Something to meditate on today. The next time your family criticizes you, instead of getting defensive, focus your attention on showing compassion. Try to see things from their perspective. Understand that they are upset because they are hurting. Listen to both their words and the hurt behind those words.

Instead of getting defensive, express concern for your family. Even though you are the target of the criticism, think to yourself, “We are a family, and therefore, when even one of us is put down, we are all lowered together.” That way, there is no need to defend your ego. Just focus your attention on loving others with understanding.

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