News and happenings for, by, about and affecting the LGBT Valley.
Project of Community Link, Inc: Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Community Service Organization.
EST. September 1995
Community Link Projects
Gray Alliance is a group for LGBT seniors, and we get together twice a month for social functions.
We have a potluck the final Sunday of the month at the First Congregational Church Fireside Room from 2-4 pm. It’s located at the south end of the church campus at 2131 N Van Ness Blvd in Fresno. Please note that although we are using a church facility, Gray Alliance has no religious affiliation.
The second Wednesday of the month at 6 pm we meet at different restaurants. Here are the two restaurants we’re going to next:
October 9th , Luna’s Pizzeria, 349 Pollasky Ave, Clovis
November 13th, El Mariachi, 3046 W Bullard Ave, Fresno
If you have any questions, please call John Richardson at 559-260-1565. Hope to see you soon!
YOUTH ALLIANCE NEWS
David McGee
October has arrived with its promise of temperate weather and the chance of rain. The Big Fresno Fair has come and gone, with its celebration of the fall harvest. Halloween is just around the corner, starting the lineup of holiday celebrations. What could be better?
We talked about the Big Fresno Fair at a recent LGBTQ Youth Alliance meeting. We asked the youth if they had been to the fair or if they were planning to go. We expected that there would be a lot of cynicism about the fair, like we often encounter in adults, with thoughts like, “it’s boring, it’s a magnet for gang activity, it’s too expensive, etc.” But our youth surprised us! Several of our youth group members went to the fair with their family, or were clever enough to use coupons to get into the fair!
And most of our youth group members said they would have gone if they had the money! What a shock! On September 21, 2019, Area 51, the secret government installation in the Nevada desert, made headlines as conspiracy theorists threatened to storm the area. Overall, about 3,000 individuals arrived at the nearby town of Rachel, Nevada, but they were wise enough to not storm the location, and instead had what they considered to be a “historic event.” Our LGBTQ youth group members came to group that same night, talking about the Area 51 event and wishing they could have attended, which sparked a discussion of their belief in extraterrestrial beings!
It was interesting to hear how many of our jaded youth believe in extraterrestrials! And it was even more interesting to hear how many of our youth would be willing to enter a spacecraft if they were invited, and live with the consequences! These folks are known for their lack of trust in all things related to grown-ups, government, and education, and yet, they reported that they would be willing to enter a stranger’s spacecraft, not knowing if they would ever return to earth, or even live past the moment of entering the craft! Are they so trusting of extraterrestrials or are they simply fed up with their current existence? Those thoughts could be the catalyst for future discussions!
We save the last Friday of the month for our world-famous youth group potluck. Last month, we had great attendance and plenty of food, fun and noise! This month, we are planning our annual Halloween party, complete with costumes and Halloween-related foods! Of course, no one is required to dress up if they’re not interested! We just want to have a good time and eat a lot of fabulous food! Our potlucks are a great time for new people to join us, and holiday-themed parties are even more fun, because everyone gets to let down their hair!
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The Fresno LGBTQ Youth Alliance meets on Friday nights, at 7 PM, in the Fireside Room of the First Congregational Church (The Big Red Church), located at 2131 N. Van Ness, in Fresno. We welcome any and all LGBTQ youth and their allies, ages 14-25, to join us on Friday nights! Check out our Facebook page for reminders about the group! We usually post a reminder about the group meetings on Friday mornings! Just go to our Facebook page, “FresnoGLBTQ (yes, in that order) Youth Alliance,” to check it out!
Fresno Rainbow Pride Mexican Independence Fundraiser
Local
NEWS FROM THE LIVING ROOM
Toni Harrison
Yeah, Fall is here. My favorite time of the year and time to start year end plans and parties.
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The biggest party, if you will, is in a few days from now, The Fresno AIDS Walk. This is our 8th year and for us each year of planning is as excited as our first. We learn more and add more each year but the message always is the same.
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We have made tremendous strides in reducing transmission rates and seeing folks who are infected maintain their health for years and move forward with healthy, productive lives. My mentor was the founder of The Living Room, Jules, and I just love to call him “old man”, one of my first and dearest friends who enthralled me with his tall tales almost 20 years ago is healthy, happy and as zany as ever.
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Then there are those who I personally lost, a poet, a world traveler, and a guide who I miss. There is also Cynthia Karraker, who died last month, was the kindest human being I have ever met who gives me inspiration. I know she and the others are all hanging out with Angels have a great time.
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The Fresno AIDS Walk for me represents all of these individuals and so many more I have met through my chosen profession. Being given the opportunity to pass on education and test for the virus to those who attend is an honor and responsibility, just as remembering those who have passed and honoring those who live with the disease and keep fighting each day. The fund raising event also helps gain sustainability for The Living Room that allows us to purchase things we need like a huge freezer, refrigerators and ice machine to name a few.
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We ask that you come join us October 19, 2019 at Woodward Park for this free event. Check out www.fresnoAIDSwalk.org for more information.
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In talking about HIV it has to be noted that we are striving for U=U (undetectable = untransmittable). PrEp is the tool available to everyone to prevent infection. It is a one pill a day regimen that can be obtained after testing for the virus and being found negative. There are sources that can help direct you to a provider or help paying for the medication. Further information on PrEP can be obtained from us, Planned Parenthood and Fresno County Department of Public Health.
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After the Walk our next exciting event is a chance to spin the Wheel of Fortune at Chukchansi Casino. Rainbow Pride will have had their chance before this is printed, ours comes on October 25th. How cool would that be to win a $1,000,000.
On October we are having a “lunch and Learn” in conjunction with Merck. The presentation will be open to anyone who is infected and wanting to learn more about the disease, medical compliance, and staying healthy.
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We also continue to have several support groups. We host an open AA group called K I S that takes place every Monday evening from 5:30 to 6:30pm. There is also an LGBTQ group on Tuesday afternoons at 1:00 until 2:00pm. We host an HIV support group for those infected on Thursday from 1:00 to 2:00PM. Come join us for one or all.
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If you need further information about any of the above events ot want more details about our other services, please call The Living Room at (559) 486-1469.
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Be Safe, be well
On November 9, 2019, 92 brave people will be Going Over the Edge to raise funds and awareness for The Source. Our results will determine the future of our organization. This is a big event and you can be a part of it.
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We are at 52% of our goal. We need at least 75% to avoid making difficult decisions about our upcoming year. There are four ways to help:
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Sponsor an individual or a team. You can see the list here; : https://visaliaovertheedge.com...
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Sign up to have a booth at our vendor fair from 10am to 2pm: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/v...
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Volunteer to help the day of : https://www.signupgenius.com/g...
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Volunteer to be a "ropes volunteer", where you get a chance to rappel: https://www.signupgenius.com/g...
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Again, our biggest need to keep The Source LGBT+ Center open and growing is to get our rappellers Over The Edge. Find your favorite right now!
National
WHAT WAS THE CATALYST THAT MADE YOUR COMING OUT DAY HAPPEN?
Adam Dupuis
Reposted from InstinctMagazine.com
We have arrived! Where is that? We are OUT and true to ourselves and those around us. Well, not all of us are out yet, and I am not sure how many “closeted” people will use today or have marked National Coming Out Day as THE day to spill all the beans about their non-straight love inclinations. So what is the purpose of National Coming Out Day?
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October 11th is National Coming Out Day, a day of recognition, awareness, and celebration of the act of publicly and privately coming out as member of the LBTGTQ+ community. As a means of activism and advocacy, the holiday also serves to fight homophobia, transphobia, and other social stigmas associated with the LGBTQ+ community.
LGBTQ PEOPLE HAVE A LOT AT STAKE IN DONALD TRUMP'S IMPEACHMENT
If Pence goes down with him, we’ll have President Pelosi.
Alex Bollinger
Repost from LGBTQNation.com
LGBTQ equality could be affected by the result of the impeachment inquiry that House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) opened earlier this week.
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The U.S. House of Representatives has started the process to potentially remove Donald Trump from office following reports of a whistleblower in the U.S. intelligence community. The anonymous official has accused Trump of pressuring Ukraine’s new government to investigate Democratic presidential hopeful Joe Biden’s family.
continue reading at LGBTQNation.com
OVER 100 PROTESTORS ARRESTED AT SUPREME COURT
Demonstrators raise urgency as high court weighs discrimination cases
Matt Tracy
Reposted from GayCityNews.nyc
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Led by Housing Works, more than 100 protestors were arrested at the Supreme Court on October 8 as justices heard oral arguments in a series of cases that could determine whether sexual orientation and gender identity are protected classes under the law.
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Capitol Police in Washington, DC, confirmed to Gay City News that 133 people were arrested for unlawfully demonstrating at First and East Capitol Streets, NE. All protestors arrested were charged with “Crowding, Obstructing, or Incommoding,” Capitol Police spokesperson Eva Malecki said.
continue reading at GayCityNews.nyc
A TRANS WOMAN MYSTERIOUSLY DISAPPEARED AT DFW AIRPORT & HER FAMILY NEEDS YOUR HELP
She was seen walking through the terminal, but she never made it on her flight.
Daniel Villarreal
Reposted from LGBTQNation.com
A 59-year-old transgender woman from Florida, Pauline del Mundo, has reportedly gone missing during a layover at Dallas-Fort Worth International Airport while waiting for a connecting flight from Tampa to Cozumel, Mexico for a 10-day vacation.
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Mundo’s sisters say that she called them during her layover sounding uncharacteristically “incoherent” and “depressed.” Mundo said she no longer wanted to go to Cozumel and needed an airline ticket back to Tampa. That was the last time anyone heard from her — her phone has since gone dead.
continue reading at LGBTQNation.com
HARRY STYLES' NEW MUSIC VIDEO HAILED AS A "BISEXUAL ANTHEM"
David McGee
British musician Harry Styles, who became known to the world as a member of the One Direction singing group, has released a new music video for his song, Lights Up, which depicts Styles being loved on by men and women. Styles has said he “never felt the need” to define his sexuality, but he has become an outspoken ally for the LGBTQ community. Twitter commenters have praised Styles for releasing a “bisexual anthem.”
Source: lgbtqnation.com
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GAY ANCHORMAN SHEPARD SMITH ANNOUNCES RESIGNATION FROM FOX NEWS
David McGee
Gay anchorman Shepard Smith announced his immediate resignation from Fox News this week. Smith was known for criticizing President Trump and announced his departure following a meeting this week with Trump’s lawyer, General Bill Barr, and Fox News owner Rupert Murdoch. A former Fox staffer, who has been in touch with Smith, suggested that Smith’s disagreements with Tucker Carlson, a favorite Fox host and fervent Trump supporter, may have fueled the resignation, as well. Both Fox News and Shepard Smith have declined to make further comments at this time.
Source: lgbtqnation.com
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GAY TEXAS TEEN BULLIED AFTER NOMINATION FOR HOMECOMING KING
David McGee
A gay high school senior said that he experienced bullying after being nominated as homecoming king. Justin Boone, was initially excited about his nomination, but when a text message, written by a high school peer, which included an anti-gay slur, was forwarded to him, Boone became anxious and opted to stay home from school. His mother forwarded the text message to their local school district, urging administrators to raise awareness about bullying. Despite the bullying, Boone said he’s received positive messages that offered support.
Source: advocate.com
VIRGINIA TEACHER FIRED FOR MISGENDERING A STUDENT BRINGS SUIT AGAINST FORMER EMPLOYER
David McGee
A Virginia teacher who was fired last year after refusing to use pronouns that aligned with a transgender student’s gender identity is suing his former employer, the West Point School Board, in West Point, Virginia, for discrimination due to his religious faith. Peter Vlaming, who said he “could not violate his conscience” by using correct pronouns, believes that it was his right to misgender the student because of his religious beliefs. The school district released a statement this week, saying the district “intends to vigorously defend” its position.
Source: huffpost.com
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MATTEL LAUNCHES NEW LINE OF GENDER NEUTRAL DOLLS
The toy giant is betting that the number of children rejecting the gender binary will increase over the next decade.
Bil Browning
Reposted from LGBTQNation.com
Toy maker Mattel has launched a new line of gender neutral dolls under the brand name “Creatable World.”
The doll is not male or female. The features do not reveal a gender. While the doll’s hair is short, it comes with a long-haired wig that can be added or taken away at will and a line of gender neutral clothing like hoodies, jeans, and T-shirts. Unlike the popular Barbie line, the dolls do not have breasts or a boy bump.
continue reading LGBTQNation.com
IT'S ABOUT THE JOURNEY
Bryan T. Clark
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Last month my husband Brian (Yes, his name is Brian also) and I celebrated our thirty-five-year anniversary. I truly can’t believe we’ve been together for thirty-five years! It seems as if it was just yesterday that we were teenagers, sitting on a rock by the river, getting to know one another.
It was the end of the summer, the year was 1984, and I had been secretly lusting over Brian all summer. At the time, I was openly gay, however Brian was a devout Christian and didn’t even know Gay was an acceptable possibility. He was curious and questioning his sexuality as he began hanging out with my group of colorful friends. Our summer social activity was to park along the riverbank at night and party. In the cool California air, for hours we laughed, drank, and played Truth or Dare, until like clockwork, at two a.m., the local sheriff drove out and cleared all the cars away.
The night of September 8, 1984, Brian and I had separated from the crowd and had wandered over to the rocks on the river’s edge. After hours of talking, I finally worked up the nerve to confess my feelings to him. He admitted he had the same feelings, but was unsure about if it was right to act on. That night, I asked him to take a chance, to take a leap of faith, to trust me I promised not to hurt him. He accepted what I asked of him, and that night, we had our first kiss.
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For years, we debated whether our official anniversary would be September 8th, or since the clock had struck midnight, and ‘our date’ continued, would the date actually be September 9th.
Twenty-four years later, and after a ruling by the Supreme Court of California, affirming Marriage Equality, on September 9, 2009, while standing before God, our family, and our friends, we were legally married and made the 9th our official anniversary date.
When I first decided to write this month’s blog, I was thinking about how much has changed since that summer in 1984. I would have never foreseen that after a twenty-seven-year career in law enforcement, I would be writing romance novels about gay men.
Every day, I sit down at my computer and get to craft stories about the lives of people, fictional characters that will enter bookstores, libraries, and homes around the world. Although all of my characters are vastly different from one another, they each contain bits of my and my husband’s story within their character.
In Ancient House of Cards, it was our struggle with religion and our relationship with God that was an issue. Sad to say, but the ‘church’ failed Brian and I early on in life, and much of the pain we felt has been irreversible. Before Sunrise is a reflection of the demons within us, and our struggle to keep a lid on them. Life is hard and at times doesn’t seem fair, but you must continue to swim or you will drown. Come to the Oaks echoes our innocence, our belief that our love could transcend all obstacles.
Diego’s Secret is about trusting our hearts even if it meant losing your family. Brian’s family had a very hard time with him ‘Coming Out’ in the beginning. Their love for their son never wavered, and over time their relationship has healed and flourished.
I poured my heart into Escaping Camp Roosevelt. So much of that book were pages from my life. The feeling that you’re not good enough, failure, disappointment and trust, are all things I have struggled with, and to some degree, continue to struggle with.
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So, as in life, my characters have to ask themselves, “Is love worth the risk?”. To know that in coming out, they could lose everything and that by choosing love, there is a real chance they could get hurt, have their hearts broken, and still be willing to take the risk. Is this not what we all may have to ask ourselves in this one life that we get?
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Romance is about the heart fluttering and the feeling that you just might die if you have to spend a single moment away from the person you love. Now, I am not talking about the mushy stuff our mothers may have read, but real relationship issues, dealing with a moral dilemma that is often surrounded by dishonesty, hurt, risk, and most importantly, real love that makes the struggle worth it all in the end.
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Writing romance is so much more than rescuing the damsel in distress, or a cheesy love scene. It is about life, and what we all want… to be loved and to be in love.
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continue reading at InstinctMagazine.com
International
UGANDA'S "KILL THE GAYS" BILL IS BACK & IT MAY BE EVEN WORSE
The law would be expanded to include anyone "involved in promotion and recruitment" - including saying gay people are born that way.
Alex Bollinger
Reposted from LGBTQNation.com
Uganda’s government announced that it’s planning to re-introduce a bill to impose the death penalty on homosexuality.
The majority-Christian country got international attention when it first presented the bill in 2009. It eventually passed in 2013 but was struck down in 2014 by Uganda’s Constitutional Court for a procedural issue.
continue reading at LGBTQNation.com
JULIAN CASTRO TRIED TO ESCORT LGBTQ REFUGEES INTO THE UNITED STATES. IT DIDN'T END WELL.
“This president has helped create a humanitarian crisis," Castro said. "People should not be living like this."
Daniel Villarreal
Reposted from LGBTQNation.com
On Monday, Democratic presidential candidate Julián Castro walked from Mexico to Texas over a bridge with a group of 12 asylum seekers in defiance of Trump’s zero-tolerance policies punishing refugees escaping violence in Central and South America.
Eight of the refugees were gay men and lesbians from Cuba, Guatemala and Honduras, according to The Los Angeles Times.
continue reading at LGBTQNation.com
Enlighten Me
WHEN THE SPIRITS CRAP IN YOUR SACRED SPACE
Mark Langfeld
There are times in our lives when we think the universe has it in for us. Things aren’t going our way. And just when we think things can’t get any worse, they do! That’s the time when we just want to crawl into bed, cover up our heads with a blanket, long for the day to be over, and hope for a better tomorrow.
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Listen up! Now is not the time to run and hide; it is the time to lean into the challenge and learn from it. When things seem to go wrong, we need to remind ourselves that there is no such thing as absolutely wrong. What appears to be a mistake at first could turn out to be a wonderful opportunity for improvement down the road.
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Case in point: I have a special area in the woods where I like to sit and meditate. It’s a beautiful place right under a huge pine tree. A small creek flows by just a few yards away. I sit under the sheltering bows of this mighty tree and listen to the peaceful sounds of the water trickling past. It’s a tranquil spot where I can clear my mind from all the cares of the day.
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One summer day, I went to my sacred space only to discover that, much to my chagrin, an animal had defecated exactly in the spot where I sit to meditate. Aaaah! I was mad. I figured out the speckled excrement must have been from a black bear because it was full of raspberry seeds—a favorite treat for the black bears.
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What made this particularly ironic (and, I must say, a bit insulting, too) was that the black bear is one of my spirit animals. How crazy is that, right!? My anger suddenly turned to confusion. So what does it mean when my spirit animal takes a crap in my sacred circle? That’s a question for the sages.
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I could think of no answer—at least not at first. It seemed like this was just one of those little irritating pranks the universe pulls on me just to see if I’m paying attention—and to make sure I’m not getting too complacent. In any case, it didn’t make sense to me.
I meditated on this new mystery which the universe so quaintly put in my path. From the stillness of my mind, the thought came to me that perhaps this foul smelling disturbance was a gentle reminder (albeit humorous) that everything changes; nothing stays the same exactly. So I chose another place to meditate out in nature until the revolting pile of ick decade.
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Months later, I returned to the scene of the crime to see if the cleansing rain purified the defilement from my favorite sitting spot. Much to my surprise, there were new, green, raspberry sprouts growing out of what was now compost. What had been discussing (at least according to my human values) was now beautiful. New life had come from dead matter. That was the answer I was seeking when I asked the universe what all this meant.
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Now I understand that nature has a purpose for everything. It may not be obvious at first, but it will reveal itself eventually. The trick is to be patient. And that is what I precisely intend to do; I am going to be patient and wait for those raspberry sprouts to grow into full bushes that bear fruit. Perhaps within a few years, I’ll be able to sit in my special space by the creek and pick some ripe, red, plump, juicy raspberries to enhance my nirvana contemplation.
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Something to meditate on today. If you don’t have a quiet place to meditate, please find one. It doesn’t have to be a place in the woods. Your desk, cubicle, garage, bedroom, or any private area can suffice. In a jam, even a five-minute bathroom break will do as long as there is a lock on the door so that no one barges in on you.
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Once you found a quiet place, just close your eyes, take a deep breath, and enter a peaceful mental state. Breathe in tranquility; breathe out understanding. Quite your mind; embrace the stillness. Contemplate some questions; reflect on their meaning.
Give some thought to those moments in your life when you believed everything was going wrong. How did things improve? Or if they haven’t, yet, improved, how could they? What if you looked at the situation in a different light? If you viewed the “problem” from the long-term perspective of Mother Nature, how would things look then?
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What if you adjusted your thoughts and started thinking of the problem as an opportunity in disguise? How might that feel? Would you feel more energized to work on turning that problem into an opportunity? Would your new, positive attitude give you the fresh perspective you have been seeking? Can you find the fresh, green sprouts popping up from the compost in your life?
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New Wellness
THE CLEANING APPOINTMENT
Ron Blake
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Loneliness is being addressed by many wellness experts today as a health epidemic. Here is my true story that will give you hope.
I had been earning extra money by cleaning houses. One of those clients was named George. He was around 70 years old and lived by himself in a mid-rise apartment building. George would call every two months and request a cleaning for his cozy home.
This polite, lanky retired schoolteacher told me on our prior meetings that he never had visitors but still wanted to keep his home looking good. And that’s where my services came in.
Jorge was always excited and talkative when I arrived each time to clean. I quickly learned on these missions that he loved discussing Presidential history. He taught me a lot with each two hour lesson.
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I received a call from George one day and he asked if we could schedule his next appointment for September 20th. I checked my calendar and apologized that I was booked up on that particular date. But George gently persisted and asked if I could find a way to somehow squeeze him in to the schedule for that day. He said any time would be good. But just on that specific day. I told him I would see what I could do.
I was confused though. I just cleaned his apartment several weeks earlier. It was far too soon for his next bimonthly cleaning and he was on a fixed income. And he had always been very flexible before with dates for an appointment. But there must be a reason I thought.
I let him know that maybe there would be a cancellation and I could add him in that way. On that note, he sounded upbeat and optimistic when we ended the call. With that kind of enthusiasm how could I not try to make this work for him?
I contacted other clients who were already scheduled for that targeted day. It worked. One client had flexibility and changed to another day.
I phoned George back and said it was all set; I would see him next Thursday. He repeatedly thanked me. I arrived early on the 20th and noticed George was already eagerly waiting there to let me in to his building. We exchanged pleasantries while waiting for the elevator.
He then turned to me and that’s when he shared something unexpected. It was his birthday. I offered him Feliz Cumpleanos and he began grinning from ear to ear. He looked so happy; like a litlle kid. We exited the elevator and he excitedly walked ahead of me with an unusual spring in his step. And right at that moment…it all started to hit me. George did not want to be alone for his birthday. He had no one else in his life. But now he had someone with him to celebrate. And that’s all he had wanted for his special day.
A smile flashed across my face as I watched him lead the party to his apartment. You can change that loneliness for a George in your neighborhood. By just being there for him (or her) in the simplest of ways. Like the cleaning appointment of September 20th.
This article of birthday salutations is brought to you by that cake and ice cream guy. That guy of party favors is Ron Blake and you can help him blow out George’s candles at rblake5551@hotmail.com.
Uncle Barbie
Your Intellectual Whore
"An effervescently gay
advice columnist."
Disclaimer: Although the author of this syndicated column holds a doctorate in clinical psychology, the tongue-in-cheek advice given is for entertainment only and is not a substitute for therapy. Barbie responds to all emails...whether you deserve it or not. Send your questions to Uncle Barbie at:
askunclebarbie@aol.com
AN IMITATION CHRIST
Dear Uncle Barbie,
Why do I take such pleasure in knowing that Christ is going to punish the people I don’t like? Several days ago, I ran into a woman who used to be my neighbor. I never did like her very much, but now I actually hate her, especially after what she said to me about my dad. She asked me, “What’s new?” I started telling her that my dad was in the hospital and very sick. She smirked and said, “Oh, then there is a God after all.” She was actually happy to hear that my dad was suffering. I know that she never got along very well with my dad, but I can’t believe that she would be happy to find out that he was in pain. The only way I could make myself feel better was to tell myself that she would undoubtedly go to Hell for being such a bad person. It felt really good to know that she would burn in Hell for all eternity. So my question to you is this, why do I feel so happy knowing that my enemies are going to Hell?
Signed, Amber
Hello Amber,
Perhaps your name should be Ember rather than Amber (as in a burning ember from Hell). You say you believe that Christ will punish the people you don’t like. Thinking of Jesus as a vengeful God is to believe in an imitation Christ. For most loving people, wishing that another human being would spend eternity in pain would be a new low. For you, however, I suspect that this is just a new medium. I find it interesting that both you and your former neighbor draw satisfaction from the suffering of your enemies. I know you will hate me for saying this, but the two of you are more alike than you want to admit. (Now, I suppose, you are going to fantasize about me having a reservation at Hotel Hell for making that last comment.) I am not intentionally trying to annoy you. It’s just that it is my job, as a therapist, to cut through all the bullshit and point out the issues that everyone else is tiptoeing around. The issue here is that you want to see her suffer just as much as she wants to see your dad suffer. Of course, I cannot FORCE either one of you to change your attitude. As an advice columnist, it is not my job to CHANGE human behavior--only to poke fun of it. (It’s a nice job, if you can get it.)
I am able to recognize and identify this type of destructive thought pattern because I grew up in a religious household that implemented and put into practice said mindset. Now that I look at this issue from a familial/domestic perspective, I am starting to sense that this whole punitive attitude of retaliation is starting to take on the flavor of parental punishment. I think most of us remember hearing the threatening phrase, “You’re gonna get it when dad gets home.” Perhaps this need you have to punish the “unholy” is a carryover from your childhood days when your parents unconsciously modeled that attitude for you. Be honest with yourself; you picked up that viewpoint somewhere. Upon a broader reflection of societal values, the legal system in this country seems to be based on a punitive and moralistic foundation rather than one of rehabilitation and reconciliation. Even in the courtrooms, judges make similar moralistic statements, such as, “I can only sentence you to life in prison, but there is a greater judgment that awaits you after you die.” How many times have we heard the statement, “You will have to answer for your crimes to a higher power in the next life”?
To answer your question more specifically, I think you feel happy believing that your enemies are going to Hell because it reinforces your belief in a just world. Believing that the people who hurt you will, in turn, also be hurt is a defense mechanism. You are simply trying to console yourself to even the score. It is a rather futile mental exercise and one that I strongly suggest you break. It’s counterproductive to waste your energy on fantasies of petty revenge. Instead, focus your attention on more positive thoughts. All major religions encourage their members to love their fellow human beings. Since you have indicated that you are a Christian, I will relay the information in a contextual framework to which you will be more accustomed. Christ commanded his followers to love one another--even to love their enemies. That’s quite an undertaking. However, you will find that feeling love is a much more rewarding experience than harboring hatred in your heart. We all have free will, so choose to think of your enemies as being a test from God/Goddess to see how well you can love your fellow human beings. Use THAT to console yourself.
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A Clear Sign of the Apocalypse, Barbie
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Horoscopes
ARIES (Mar 21 - Apr 19)
Life is not working for you right now. You need some fresh air. Literally. Take a trip, try something new, anything to expand your horizon.
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TAURUS (Apr 20 - May 20)
Some of your friends well just don't seem like friends right now. Look at it like its a time to grow. It all becomes perfectly clear.
GEMINI (May 21 - June 21)
This is really a great period going on. Romance is highlighted. You enjoy everything you do now.
CANCER (June 22 - July 22)
Misunderstandings are making people get on your nerves. Don't hold anything in. Let others know what you are feeling.
LEO (Jul 23 - Aug 22)
You really need to think before you act. There is a lot of miscommunication going on. Clear the air and let others know how you feel.
VIRGO (Aug 23 - Sep 22)
You have done a lot recently but now is the time to see what you have done. This is a time for in with the new and out with the old.
LIBRA (Sep 23 - Oct 22)
You really feel like doing something but you need to think before you act. Watch the spending or you will regret it.
SCORPIO (Oct 23 - Nov 21)
Now is the time to make plans, review them later and then act on them. You will have the energy next month to do a lot. Don't let this new
found energy go to your head. It will end.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22 - Dec 21)
You are being pulled in two different directions here. It's all about you and take care of both of these needs.
CAPRICORN (Dec 22 - Jan 19)
Whoa. Busy, busy, busy. A lot of work here. Your nerves are getting fried. Spend some alone time to regenerate.
AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18)
You are feeling pretty good here. Trouble is there is miscommunication going on and you don't even know it. Very social time for you.
PISCES (Feb 19 - Mar 20)
You intuition is flawed at this time. Keep your opinions to yourself. All becomes clear in a month so be light in your comments and go ahead and socialize.
Not To Be Missed
Melissa Ethridge
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Los Angeles
Melissa Ethridge will perform at the Walt Disney Concert Hall, in Los Angeles, on November 16, 2019, at 8:00 PM. Ethridge is an American singer-songwriter, guitarist, and LGBTQ activist. Her music has been an inspiration to the LGBTQ community for decades. The Walt Disney Concert Hall is located at 111 S. Grand Ave, in Los Angeles, CA, 90012. Tickets for this event start at $90. This event is sure to sell out fast, so get your tickets early! For tickets, go to your favorite ticket seller, such as vividseats.com!
Madonna
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Los Angeles
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Madonna will perform her Madame X Tour at the Wiltern, in Los Angeles, on November 12-24, 2019, at 8:30 PM. The “Queen of Pop” has be performing since the 1980’s, and is still going strong! She is known for pushing the boundaries of songwriting and imagery in pop music! This is another event that will sell out fast! Tickets start at $400, so we hope you’ve saved your pennies! For tickets, go to your favorite ticket seller, such as stubhub.com!
Santana
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San Francisco
Santana will perform their Supernatural Now Tour at the Chase Center, in San Francisco, on November 12, 2019, at 7:30 PM. The Santana band was formed by legendary guitarist and songwriter Carlos Santana, in the late 1960’s. Santana is known for its fusion of rock and roll and Latin American Jazz. The Chase Center is located at 300 16th Street, San Francisco, CA, 94158. Tickets for this event start at $70. For tickets, go to your favorite ticket seller, such as ticketmaster.com.
Cher
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San Francisco
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Cher will perform her Here We Go Again Tour at the Chase Center, in San Francisco, on November 21, 2019, at 7:30 PM. Cher is an American singer, songwriter, reportedly born in Fresno, who embodied female autonomy in a male-dominated music industry, in the early 1970’s. The Chase Center is located at 300 16th Street, San Francisco, CA. 94158. Tickets for this event start at $60. For tickets, go to your favorite ticket seller, such as vividseats.com.
Sinbad
Fresno, Visalia
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Sinbad will perform, in Fresno, at the Tower Theatre, on November 7, 2019, at 8:00 PM. Sinbad is an American stand-up comic and actor. The Tower Theatre is located at 815 E. Olive Ave, in Fresno, CA, 93728. Tickets for this event start at $35. For tickets, go to towertheatrefresno.com, or your favorite ticket seller. For those who live near Visalia, Sinbad will perform in Visalia, at the Visalia Fox Theatre, on November 9, 2019, at 8:00 PM. For more information, go to foxvisalia.com.
Blue Man Group
Fresno
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The Blue Man Group will perform The Speechless Tour at the Saroyan Theatre, in Fresno, on November 6 and 7, 2019, at 7:30 PM. The Blue Man Group is a performance art company known world-wide for its various stage productions which incorporate many different categories of music and visual art—and they paint their faces blue! The Saroyan Theatre is located at 700 M Street, Fresno, CA, 93721. Tickets for this event start at $30. Tickets can be purchased in person at the Selland Arena Box Office, or online at ticketmaster.com
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Events
News and happenings for, by, about and affecting the LGBT Valley.
Project of Community Link, Inc: Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Community Service Organization.
EST. September 1995