Issue I, Volume XXIV, No. 277 | September 2018
News and happenings for, by, about and affecting the GLBT Valley.
Project of Community Link, Inc: Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Community Service Organization.
EST. September 1995
Community Link Projects
Gray Alliance is a group for LGBT seniors, and we get together twice a month for social functions.
We have a potluck the final Sunday of each month at the First Congregational Church Fireside Room from 2-4 pm. It’s located at the south end of the church campus at. 2132 N Van Ness Blvd in Fresno. Please note that although we are using a church facility, Gray Alliance has no religious affiliation.
The Second Wednesday of the month at 6 pm we meet at different restaurants. Here is a list of the next three restaurants we’re going to.
October 10th, Fasika Ethiopian Restaurant, 4712 N Blackstone, Fresno
November 14th, Cochino Contento, 88 E Olive, Fresno
December 12th, Hino Oishi, 3091 E Campus Point Drive, Fresno
If you have any questions, please feel free to contact John Richardson at 559-260-1565 or Linda Schinkel at 559-356-7220. Hope to see you soon!
YOUTH ALLIANCE
David McGee
September arrived with cooler temperatures and hope for continued fair weather. We’re just a few weeks away from the start of the Big Fresno Fair! Who else votes for cool weather for the remainder of September and the entire month of October?
As usual, our GLBTQ Youth Alliance group members continue to dress as they please, regardless of the weather.n On a warm Friday evening, one might see sweatshirts zipped to the top, stocking caps and Doc Martens boots! On a cool Friday evening one might see tank tops, shorts, and flip-flops! There’s no rhyme or reason! The youth dress as they please! At our most recent Friday night youth group meeting, our group leader, Banana, asked the youth what inspires them. We got answers that ranged from parents to death. Yes, of course, some of our group members like to say things that they hope will shock us all! Once everyone shared, Banana passed out large white puzzle pieces and asked the youth to draw something on their puzzle piece that represented what it was they shared that inspires them. The project kept the group occupied for an entire hour! For the most part, everyone focused on the project and refrained from horseplay. Hopefully, Banana will post a picture of the project on our Facebook page!
A couple of weeks ago, our Grand Poobah, Jeffery Robinson, joined us for a meeting and had everyone in stitches with a game he invented. It was a little like the “telephone game,” where people pass on what they hear from person to person in order to see what comes out in the end. But Jeffery added a twist, making the youth pass the information from person to person by acting out the idea, much like the game of charades. He didn’t have a name for the game. He was just engaging the youth and keeping them interacting! It was a lot of fun! Everyone loves it when Jeffery is able to join us!
We have a potluck on the last Friday of the month! One of the adults brings pizza, and the youth bring whatever they want to bring, like drinks, chips, and dessert! Our last potluck was epic! There was so much food that people had to take food home at the end of the evening! Everyone had a great time
eating and talking! The last Friday in September we’ll have another of our world-famous potluck parties! All we need is some food and the youth in order to have a raucous evening! And, of course, we’re already starting to talk about what we’re going to do for our Halloween party, in October! We all love Halloween!
The Fresno GLBTQ Youth Alliance meets on Friday nights, at 7 PM, in the Fireside Room of the First Congregational Church (The Big Red Church), located at 2131 N. Van Ness, in Fresno. We welcome any and all GLBTQ youth and their allies, ages 14-25, to join us on Friday nights! Check out our Facebook page for reminders about the group! We usually post a reminder about the group meetings on Friday mornings! Just go to our Facebook page, “Fresno GLBTQ Youth Alliance,” to check it out!
STORIES MATTER
Dr. Kat Fobear
​
I’ve been doing LGBTQ+ oral history for over ten years. When I present, I often get asked what my favorite part of doing this work is.
That’s a tough question. Being granted the privilege of listening to another’s story is something that continues to fill me with inspiration and a sense of purpose.
But, if I had to decide, it would be the moments when someone is reflecting on their past and they bring up a person, a moment, or a place that they hadn’t thought about for years.
A light shines in their eyes as they revisit that memory. I watch them lose themselves in the recollection and become twenty years younger- or more. It often lasts just an instant, but it is deeply powerful.
That is the power of stories. They move you. They are transformative.
Stories matter. Stories matter for our LGBTQ+ community. Through stories, we can memorialize those that we loved and lost. Unlike other communities, the stories of our queer brothers, sisters, and non-binary family members were often not given the same respect or attention by mainstream society. Their contributions to history were not recorded or valued equally. During times of extreme repression, when many in our community had to hide in order to avoid being killed, imprisoned, or attacked, we could only tell stories to one other. As we lost so many to HIV/AIDS and continue to lose many loved ones on account of homophobic and transphobic violence, those who remain carry the memories of the beautiful and brilliant people who not only shaped their lives, but made an impact across Fresno and the Central Valley.
There is a classic saying that when you lose an elder you lose a history and library of knowledge. We have lost far too many elders in Fresno and the surrounding communities without recording their stories and archiving their histories. We have many elders still alive and active in this community whose stories need to be preserved and protected. Time is of the upmost importance in preserving LGBTQ+ history in the Central Valley.
Fresno State and Community Link are working with The Lavender Effect to offer training in oral history and videography beginning in March 2019. The Lavender Effect is an oral history and community education organization dedicated to preserving the history and lives of the LGBTQ+ community in Los Angeles. The Lavender Effects Oral History Projects videotapes testimonies from the LGBTQ community and supportive allies who were integral participants or witnesses to historic events or movements. We will be inviting The Lavender Effect to train community members and students at Fresno State in oral history and videography. More information will be available in the coming months.
In the meantime, if you want to get involved in Qistory and help build this community initiative to preserve our LGBTQ+ History, please join us for our first meeting:
Monday October 15
6:30 to 8:00pm
Local
Time moves too quickly, it is almost fall and time for Pumpkin Spice lattes, Halloween and the Fresno AIDS Walk, presented by WestCare to benefit The Living Room (TLR). TLR has been working to help those infected and directly affected by HIV/AIDS for 22+ years. This will be our 7th annual Walk and we look forward to the event with both smiles and some sadness.
Smiles come in the form of knowing that people are living longer healthier lives by being compliant with medical care. Seeing their physicians, taking their medications properly and engaging in self-care. Smiles also come in seeing people gathering and engaging in an effort to be heard, to speak up and again make Fresno aware that we are coming together to celebrate the small victories gained in being able to have our loved ones near us. Smiles also come, for some, when we remember those we loved and lost but who still hold a warm place in our hearts.
Sadness comes because even after over 30 years we are still seeing new positive test results. Currently, here in Fresno County there is a noticeable increase among young men who have sex with other men. Local statistics are showing an almost 50% increase over the past few years. Those being infected are young men, ages 18 to 25. That is an alarming increase and should make us think about what we can do to change that.
The Fresno AIDS Walk, this year held on October 20th, at Woodward Park is meant to raise awareness so that we can try to make a difference in our community. We gather to celebrate the lives of those living with the virus, remember those lost and gain sustainability for TLR. We want and need you to join us.
It is not too late to become a committee member and help finalize plans. We need your help, not just with planning but we could also use donations of raffle prizes, cases of bottled water, healthy snacks and to be on site that morning to help us make this a memorable event.
We have been fortunate in having great sponsors like MAC Cosmetics, Kaiser, Community Link, FAB Fresno, the CA Endowment, Fresno State Rainbow Alumni, Urban Block Fitness and AIDS Healthcare Foundation to help us make the event successful but we will still accept sponsors and want you to join us.
We continue on with mini fundraisers and hope to pin down a date for Drag Queen Bingo and we have Art for AIDS coming up on October 4th, here at TLR from 5:00 until 8:00pm. Please join us to view the donated art work, donate a piece if you wish, or just come to talk with us. We would love to see you.
For more information please call us at (559) 486 1469, visit the FresnoAIDSWalk.org web page and like both our TLR and Fresno AIDS Walk Facebook pages.
Be safe, be well
Toni Harrison
The Living Room
VOTER REGISTRATION DRIVE
Marsha Conant
Fresno Stonewall Democrats have organized a Voter Registration Drive during the Reel Pride Film Festival. If you have moved, changed your name or are 17 you can register to vote. This may be the most important election of our lives it is vital that we all vote. The assault on LGBTQ rights that we have fought so hard for is just beginning! Do not be complacent and think your vote does not count it may be the what saves you!
Look for people walking around with clip Boards before and between the movie! If you are interested in helping email conantm@aol.com
CANDIDATE ENDORSEMENTS
Jay Huble
Fresno Stonewall Democrats met on Tuesday, September 11, 2018 at Marie Callender’s Restaurant to endorse candidates for the local school board elections appearing on the November 2018 ballot along with ballot propositions and measures. Discussed were ongoing campaigns and ways to get more involved in local election and Democratic party activities.
The Fresno Stonewall Democrats endorsements for the November 6, 2018 General Election:
Endorsement Ballot
State Endorsement Ballot
Endorsement Results
IS THERE A CAT CAFE IN FRESNO'S FUTURE
Dan Waterhouse
Cat adoptions in Fresno may enter a new realm.
Bitwise Downtown hosted a pop-up cat café at the very end of August. The event was staged by Feral Paws, a local non-profit cat rescue, to gauge the potential interest in setting up a permanent cat café in Fresno.
If the crowd that showed up is any indication, it may be the right time to set a café up.
The pop-up Catppuccino event was supposed to last two hours but went longer due to the crowd.
Most cat parents have gotten their kitties from friends, neighbors, co-workers, the local humane society or a rescue group. I adopted my two kitties a few years ago from Cat House on the Kings. Prior to Manny and Sneezy, my dad’s cat came to live with me after he died and my best friend’s grandmother’s kitty arrived after she passed away.
What’s a cat café?
It’s a café that serves beverages (typically coffee) while you sit and visit with friends, work on the laptop, or watch the world around you. What sets it apart from Starbucks, Dutch Bros or Peets are the cats. They are there to be played with and adopted.
The first cat café was established 20 years ago in Taiwan. The concept blossomed in Japan after the first one there was set up in Osaka in 2004. Between 2005 and 2010, 79 cat cafes opened in Japan.
Japanese cat cafes fill a need for animal companionship since most housing is either too small or doesn’t allow pets.
The first one in North America opened in 2014 in Canada. Unlike Japan, the goal in North America is to partner with local cat rescues to find the kitties furever homes.
Due to health regulations, the cats and any food preparation activities are kept separated. Typically, the cats stay in their own café space and the humans come to them.
During Catppuccino, the kitties were in separate spaces and human access was regulated so safeguard the kitties. The humans varied in age from kids to senior citizens.
The first American cat café was established in Oakland in October 2014. Cat Town Café partners with Oakland Animal Services to move at-risk cats from the shelter to the café. Café staff work with the kitties to socialize them (if needed) and get them adopted.
According to Cat Town, within seven months of opening, the cat euthanasia rate at Animal Services dropped from 41 percent to 21 percent and 184 kitties found permanent homes from the café’s Cat Zone.
Other California cat cafes in San Diego, San Francisco and Los Angeles report similar results. A new one opened in Santa Barbara a few months ago.
Feral Paws started as a feral rescue group about 20 years ago but now operates a cat shelter near Fresno. The organization focuses on rescuing cats from shelters where most cats are killed within a few days of being surrendered.
When I left Bitwise, I heard live music playing. I realized something was happening at Tioga Sequoia Brewery a long block to the west. Fuss Fest was underway.
Fuss Fest is a femme music and arts festival that celebrates womxn, femmes, the LGBT community, queer and non-binary local artists.
It expanded to two days this year. The first day was free to get in. On the following day, it moved to Strummer’s in the Tower where festival-goers had to pay to enjoy the music.
Proceeds from the second day’s door will go to Fresno Girls Rock Camp for 8 to 15-year-olds. Rock Camp is a LGBTQ youth camp where a variety of workshops (and guidance from local artists and musicians) are offered.
While I was there, I delighted in watching a kilted young fire eater ply his talents. He also invited audience members to let him flog them; given the chain and padlock around his neck, I wondered if he was reversing roles.
PRESS RELEASE: THE SOURCE LGBT+ CENTER ANNOUNCES SECOND YOUTH LEADERSHIP ACADEMY
Jim Reeves
Visalia, CA, September 2, 2018– The Source LGBT+ Center, serving Tulare and Kings Counties, announces the second Youth Leadership Academy, to be held October 18, 2018 through March 19, 2019. Ten positions are available for the 12 week course. Participants will have already demonstrated leadership potential, and through the academy will develop skills in a series of training modules. Subjects covered include public speaking, presentations, financial literacy, advocacy, local government, and LGBT+ history. The capstone of the program is a trip to Sacramento to meet our assembly representatives and learn about state legislation. After the success of last year’s program, there was a demand from LGBT and allied youth for another class. A graduate of last year’s academy is currently serving as Student Senate President at College of the Sequoias.
Applications are due by September 14, 2018, and are available online at: SourceLeaders
For more information about this release, contact Brian Poth, Executive Director at 323-559-1727 or brian@thesourcelgbt.org, Katia Clark, President of the Board of Directors at katia@thesourcelgbt.org, Nick Vargas, Director of Development at 559-372-2847 or nick@thesourcelgbt.org, or Jim Reeves, Community Liaison, at 559-284-1819 or jim@thesourcelgbt.org
REGARDING THE MOVIE, LIZZIE
David McGee
According to history, Lizzie Borden, from Fall River, Massachusetts, was acquitted of murdering her parents in their home, in 1892. In the soon to be released version of the story, titled, Lizzie, she does the deed, giving her mother the “40 whacks” that the children’s rhyme suggests. This movie stars Chloe Sevigny (Boys Don’t Cry), as Lizzie, and Kristen Stewart as her lesbian lover and co-conspirator, Bridget. The screenplay was written by out writer Bryce Kass. The movie received rave reviews at its premiere at the Sundance Film Festival in January, 2018. The film is due to be released in theaters this month.
Source: Advocate
LADY GAGA WANTS TO BE REMEMBERED FOR "BORN THIS WAY"
David McGee
In a recent interview with Vogue magazine, Lady Gaga said she wants to be remembered for the message behind the song, “Born This Way.” Gaga stated, “I would like to be remembered for believing that people are equal. I would like to be remembered for being courageous and different.” The song is widely recognized as an anthem to inclusivity, particularly for LGBTQ people. It is also the inspiration behind Gaga’s Born This Way Foundation, which provides social services to LGBTQ teens.
Source: Advocate
MORE PRETEENS ARE IDENTIFYING AS LGBTQ THAN EVER BEFORE
David McGee
A research study published in JAMA Pediatrics reported that one percent of children aged 9-10 are self-identifying along the LGBTQ spectrum. The study suggested that because children are exposed to more information through peers, parents, and the media, they are making choices earlier in life regarding their gender identification. According to one of its researchers, Jerel Calzo, this study could help save lives and provide better care for children who self-identify at an early age.
Source: lgbtnation
PRO-GOLFER TADD FUJIKAWA COMES OUT
David McGee
Professional Golfer Tadd Fujikawa came out this week on Instragram, making him the only LGBTQ male pro-golfer in the US. Fujikawa, who has been public about his struggle with depression and anxiety, believes that hiding his sexuality was part of the reason for his mental health issues. Fujikawa stated, “I spent way too long pretending, hiding, and hating who I was.” In his Instagram posting, Fujikawa dared his readers to spread their love.
Source: lgbtnation
National
International
INDIA'S SODOMY BAN FALLS
Supreme Court eloquently rules for LGBTQ rights in world’s largest democracy
Reprinted from GayCityNews.nyc
By Arthur S. Leonard
In a ruling that affects almost 18 percent of the world’s population, the Supreme Court of India ruled on September 6 that the Victorian-era Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code — the ban on “unnatural sex” that has been used to penalize same-sex activity — violates the fundamental rights of LGBTQ people.
Building on a pioneering ruling by the Delhi High Court and repudiating a decision by a two-judge panel of the Supreme Court that had reversed the High Court ruling, a five-judge panel of the 31-member Supreme Court, led by Chief Justice Dipak Misra, drew on legal developments in numerous other countries to interpret the Indian Constitution as a bastion for human rights and identifying personal sexual freedom for LGBTQ people as a fundamental part of those rights.
As is customary in the high courts of British Commonwealth countries, the Supreme Court’s ruling is not set out in any single opinion. In this case, the five-judge panel produced four substantial written opinions. Chief Justice Misra’s 166-page opinion was joined in full by Justice A. M. Khanwilkar. Each of the other justices on the panel produced their own opinions, amounting in total to an extraordinary outpouring of human rights rhetoric, totaling 495 pages in the PDF file released by the court.
India did not have any sex crimes statutes before the British colonization of the country beginning early in the 19th century. London imposed imperial rule atop the existing structure of local governments and eventually insisted that India enact a penal code drafted by British lawyers, modeled on English law, which itself derived from the sexual prohibitions imposed by the Catholic Church when it was Britain’s established church prior to the English Reformation during Henry VIII’s reign.
Section 377 of that colonial code, enacted in 1860, introduced a foreign legal concept into Indian society, making it ironic that those defending the sodomy ban today pointed to the decriminalization of gay sex in Western democracies to argue that the plaintiffs were attempting to impose Western values regarding individual sexual freedom on Indian society.
The road to the September 6 ruling was a long one.
More than a decade ago, a non-profit AIDS services and advocacy group, NAZ Foundation, filed a lawsuit in the Delhi High Court, making a powerful argument that the existing sodomy law was an impediment to confronting the AIDS crisis in India. After lengthy proceedings and much deliberation, the High Court issued its ruling in 2009, finding that Section 377 was inconsistent with guarantees of liberty and privacy in the Indian Constitution.
Enlighten Me
NOBODY IS ON THIS EARTH BY MISTAKE
Mark Langenfeld
Having worked in the human service field for practically my entire adult life, I sometimes hear clients say that they believe they should never have been born. Some say their parents actually told them that they were a mistake. Other clients state that they were the result of an unplanned pregnancy.
I would hear these stories with alarming frequency. My clients believed that since they were unplanned, they were also unwanted and didn’t belong here. During the counseling sessions, I did my best to help the clients cognitively reframe their beliefs in a more positive way. By doing so, they could give new meaning to the situation and, thus, enhance their overall wellbeing.
Margret’s story: Margret came into this world under similar circumstances to those clients discussed earlier. What used to trouble her soul was the belief that she did not belong on Earth. Those thoughts lead to feelings—feelings of separation, loneliness, and detachment. These feelings, in turn, lead to behaviors of withdrawal and isolation.
What lead up to this? What caused all these feelings? When Margret was about 6-years-old, she had the sense that she wasn’t wanted by her parents. Was it because of the way she was treated, or not treated? I don’t know. There was no tangible evidence to support her suspicions, just a nagging feeling that wouldn’t go away.
So, one day when she was about 6-years-old, Margret asked her mother if she wanted her to be born. The mother told her that she didn’t want to have any kids. However, since the mother was Catholic, she abided by the religious teachings of the time and got married, had children, and raised a family.
Margret’s mother then revealed something that truly shocked her. She said that when she was pregnant with Margret, she was so depressed about her life as a mother that she contemplated suicide. She even had it all planned out. She was going to hang herself in the basement when her husband was away at work. As you might have guessed, those words were hard for Margret to process, especially at the tender age of six.
As an adult, Margret sought me out for counseling and worked through her thoughts and emotions on this issue. Working as her counselor, it was vitally important that I not try to influence Margret with my own beliefs. Rather, I did my best to promote independence and let her create her own set of beliefs.
On her own, she has come to believe that everyone has a place on this planet—including herself. Margret discovered for herself a new way of looking at the situation. She now believes that Mother Nature has Her own rules of life. Let’s call them the laws of nature. There are some things that nature simply will not allow. Other things She does allow because they are within Her boundaries of the natural order of things.
Margret told me that what this means to her is that even if her parents didn’t plan her conception, Mother Nature allowed the fertilization to happen. If She didn’t allow it, the union of egg and sperm would not have been joined. Put simply, Margret’s conception was within the laws of nature. Therefore, it was allowed.
To give you a frame of reference to help you conceptualize this notion of the laws of nature, take the horse, donkey, and mule example. A horse can mate with a donkey because nature allows the fertilization from the two to join DNA. However, the result is the birth of a mule, which is sterile. Nature does not allow the offspring of the horse and donkey to reproduce because it violates the laws of nature.
What I think Margret was trying to say was that if Mother Nature never intended her to be conceived, then the fertilization simply never would have occurred. Since it did, she does, therefore, belong on this Earth—and so do all of us.
I think that the lesson from Margret’s new outlook on life is a story worth telling. It gives hope and provides a spirit of compassion for those mentally suffering with the negative thought that they were never meant to be. Those types of self-defeating thoughts can emotionally impression people in their own minds. Replacing those counterproductive believes with constructive ones can loosen the knots that bind a person’s soul.
Today’s Loving Suggestion: Right now, think about what a gift it is to be alive. Appreciate how precious life is—your life—everyone’s life. No matter who you are your life matters. Take a few minutes to meditate on your existence. Regardless of whether your parents planned your conception or not, you are here now. Make the most of it! Make the world a better place because you were here. Remember the lesson Margret taught us: nobody is on this earth by mistake. Mother Nature doesn’t make mistakes.
New Wellness
THE SCARIEST WORDS FOR WELLNESS
Ron Blake
I’ve got five Frankenstein words that will have your healthy goals shaking with fear as we enter the Halloween season. But stay close to me kid…we’re going to survive this house of horrors with five words of hope. Let’s begin to destroy these monsters of mayhem:
Tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow…
Banish this ghoulish gremlin; it all starts TODAY!
Distractions distractions distractions distractions distractions distractions distractions distractions distractions distractions distractions distractions distractions distractions distractions distractions distractions distractions distractions distractions distractions distractions distractions distractions distractions distractions distractions distractions distractions distractions distractions distractions distractions distractions distractions distractions…
It’s not hocus pocus; find some FOCUS!
Unstructured unstructured unstructured unstructured unstructured unstructured unstructured unstructured unstructured unstructured unstructured unstructured unstructured unstructured unstructured unstructured unstructured unstructured unstructured unstructured unstructured unstructured unstructured unstructured unstructured unstructured unstructured unstructured unstructured unstructured unstructured unstructured…
Gather around the bubbly cauldron and conjure up a PLAN!
Alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone…
This word sends shivers down my spine; we need to find a PAL!
Fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear fear…
Don’t invite this blood sucking word into your life; you just need CONFIDENCE!
Words can slash at your best intentions as quickly as Michael Myer’s knife. Those wrong words in your everyday living can be another nail in your coffin. No more death, destruction, and diabolic detours for your wellness. The words today, focus, plan, pal, and confidence can get you out of that wind swept cemetery of hopelessness.
Let’s celebrate this orange and black season by flying our broomsticks to a healthier choice of words. Happy Halloween to all my goblins of greatness in Fresno!
This article of bloodcurdling palabras is brought to you by that guy with a crypt full of tricks and treats. That wise wizard of wellness is Ron Blake and you can cast a salubrious spell his way at rblake5551@hotmail.com.
Uncle Barbie
Your Intellectual Whore
"An effervescently gay advice columnist"
Disclaimer: Although the author of this syndicated column holds a doctorate in clinical psychology, the tongue-in-cheek advice given is for entertainment only and is not a substitute for therapy. Barbie responds to all emails...whether you deserve it or not. Send your questions to Uncle Barbie at askunclebarbie@aol.com
TAKE A STEP BACK TO SEE THE BIG PICTURE
Dear Uncle Barbie,
Would it be bad to date my ex-girlfriend's brother?
Sincerely, All in the family
Hello Family guy,
I think my response to your question totally depends on the timeline; how long has it been since you dated your ex-girlfriend? If it was as recently as six months ago, that might be a little too early to start dating her brother.
By the way, is your ex-girlfriend’s brother even interested in dating you? You didn’t say in your letter how he feels about you. Do you know? I ask because if he is not interested, then there is no point in pursuing the matter or even discussion it. However, I find it interesting that your question did not inquiry if it would be bad to “ask” your ex-girlfriend’s brother out. Instead, you only asked if it would be bad to “date” him. Your statement seems to imply that her brother is interested in you (or at least that’s the assumption). Is your inquiry a case of wishful fantasy, or have you and the brother already established some kind of relationship? If the brother has no idea that you want to date him, then your expression of interest could come as quite a shock.
Now what about the ex-girlfriend? Are you still friends with her? Would that friendship be damaged if you asked her brother out (regardless of whether he said yes or no)? Does she already know (or suspect) that you are romantically attracted to her brother? What about age? Are all the people involved consenting adults living independently from one another? If you have no contact with your ex at all, and the brother lives separately from his sister, then maybe it would not be as upsetting to her because she wouldn’t have to see it. I doubt that she would appreciate having your new relationship with her brother rubbed in her face.
I guess, I have raised more questions than answers. And, that’s okay. You really need to think this thing through. Consider how it might affect all the other people involved. At this point, I cannot tell you definitively whether or not to date your ex-girlfriends brother. All I can suggest is that you be kind and think of others, not just yourself.
Considering the big picture, Uncle Barbie
ARIES (Mar 21-Apr 19)
You are ready to rock n roll and tackle any challenges before you. Calm down, make a plan then charge on.
TAURUS (Apr 20-May 20)
Here we go again. Been there done that. You need to rethink what you are doing and come up with a new plan to solve your ongoing issues.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20)
You are dealing with a lot of people this month. This can drain you mentally so watch what you say. It may not mean what you think.
CANCER (June 21-July 22)
You feel a little lost during this period. Look to others for guidance to get you thru this period. Be calm. Be cool.
LEO (July 23-Aug 22)
There are some who really want to give you a bad time. Don’t react but do something totally different. This will pull them to your side and you will feel good.
VIRGO (Aug 23-Sep 22)
No obstacles this month. You get things done with ease while others wonder how you do it all. Tell them its magic.
LIBRA (Sep 23-Oct 22)
It’s up to you to fulfill your destiny. Rely on others won’t work. You will be much happier on your won here.
SCORPIO (Oct 23-Nov 21)
Here we go again with the same old problems. Your overwhelmed. You need some downtime to spend alone. Then everything will come into focus.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22-Dec 21)
This is really a happy period for you. You didn’t see it coming but its here. Enjoy yourself socializing. You’ve earned it.
CAPRICORN (Dec 22- Jan 19)
Your hard work is finally beginning to pay off. Don’t be surprised if an opportunity comes your way.
AQUARIUS (Jan 20-Feb 18)
Lots of energy and spending going on here. You feel you can accomplish anything you want. Very satisfying
PISCES (Feb 19-Mar 20)
You are in a very contented mood. Enjoy life in its simplicity. The world is frantic around you but you are happy in your realm for now.
Horoscopes
Not To Be Missed
LINDA RONSTADT
Los Angeles
Linda Ronstadt will be performing at the Cerritos Center for the Performing Arts, in Cerritos, CA, on October 4, 2018 at 8:00 PM. For those of us who are caught up in nostalgia, Ronstadt will be singing her greatest hits, like Blue Bayou and Don’t Know Much. The Cerritos Center for the Performing Arts is located at 18000 Park Plaza Drive, Cerritos, CA, 90703. Tickets for this event are not available online through the Cerritos Center. Please call the Cerritos Center at (800) 300-4345. For more information, go to cerritoscenter.com.
GAY DAYS AT DISNEYLAND
Los Angeles
October 5-7, 2018 are the dates set for the 21st annual Gay Days celebration in Disneyland! On the first weekend of October, LGBTQ individuals from all over will converge on the park and the surrounding hotels for this annual event! There’s no need to buy special tickets. A regular ticket will get you access to Disneyland. Event sponsors ask that you wear a red t-shirt to stand out in the crowd. The park will be open for all guests, not just LGBTQ guests, so folks are encouraged to keep that in mind when dressing for the park. There are official t-shirts and pins available. Got to gaydaysanaheim.com for more information!
​
CHRISTINA AGUILERA
Oakland
Christina Aguilera will be performing her Liberation Tour at the Paramount Theatre, in Oakland, CA, on Monday, October 22, 2018, at 8:00 PM. Aguilera is a singer/songwriter that most of us have followed for years! Tickets for this event start at about $150, so save up your pennies! The Paramount Theatre is located at 2025 Broadway, Oakland, CA, 94612. For more information, go to paramounttheatreoakland.secureboxoffice.com.
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OZZIE OSBOURNE
Mountain View
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Ozzie Osbourne will be performing with Stone Sour at the Shoreline Amphitheater, in Mountain View, CA, on Saturday, October 6, 2018, at 7:30 PM. Ozzie, AKA The Prince of Darkness, rose to prominence in the 1970s. Anyone who has been watching his world history tour with his son, Jack, knows he’s still got some spunk. He’s known for his onstage antics and his songs, like Bark at the Moon and Crazy Train. Tickets for this event start at about $30, so his show will be reasonable! The Shoreline Amphitheater is located at 1 Amphitheater Parkway, Mountain View, CA, 94043. For tickets, go to mountainviewamphitheatre.com.
BIG FRESNO FAIR
Fresno
The Big Fresno Fair is scheduled for October 3-15, at the Fresno Fairgrounds, located at Kings Canyon and Chance Avenue, in Fresno. If corndogs, soft tacos, and winning a goldfish at the carnival aren’t enough for you, you might consider some of the musical entertainers that are coming to the fair this year. Boy George and Culture Club are performing on October 5, Ludacris is performing on October 6, Salt-N-Peppa are performing on October 10, and Gabriel Iglesias is performing his comedy on October 12th. Tickets for these events range from $20 to $80, depending on the performer. For more information, go to fresnofair.com.
News and happenings for, by, about and affecting the LGBT Valley.
Project of Community Link, Inc: Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Community Service Organization.
EST. September 1995